FullReads

Philosophy–All my I.
Art–All my Eye.
Religion–All my Ay.

Also at the outset let it be distinctly understood that I write without any prejudice in favour of grammar. The fear of the critics is the beginning of pedantry. I detest your scholiast whose footnotes would take Thackeray to task for his “and whiches,” and your professor who disdains the voice of the people, which is the voice of the god of grammar. I know all the scholiast has to say (surely he is the silly [Greek: scholastikos] of Greek anecdote), and indeed I owe all my own notions of diction to a work on “Style” written by him. It was from the style of this work that I learnt what to avoid. The book reminded me of my old schoolmaster, who grew very angry with me for using the word “ain’t,” and vociferated “Ain’t! How often am I to tell you ain’t ain’t a word?” I suppose one may take it for granted that the greater the writer the worse the grammar. “Fools follow rules. Wise men precede them.” (Query: this being a quotation from myself, was I bound to put the inverted commas?) Shakespeare has violated every rule of the schoolroom, and the more self-conscious stylist of our own day–Stevenson–would be caned for composition. I find him writing “They are not us,” which is almost as blasphemous as “It’s me.” His reputation has closed the critics’ eyes to such sentences as these in his essay on “Some Portraits by Raeburn”: “Each of his portraits are not only a piece of history …”; “Neither of the portraits of Sir Walter Scott were very agreeable to look upon.” Stevenson is a master, but not a schoolmaster, of English. Of course bad grammar does not make a genius, any more than bad morals. (Note how much this sentence would lose in crispness if I made it grammatical by tacking on “do.”) My friend the musician complained to me that when he studied harmony and form he was told he must not do this, that and the other; whereas, when he came to look into the works of the great composers he found they made a practice of all the three. “Am I a genius?” he queried pathetically. “If so, I could do as I please. I wish I knew.” Every author who can read and write is in the same predicament: on the one hand his own instinct for a phrase or a sentence, on the other the contempt of every honest critic. The guardians of the laws of English have a stock of taboos; but unlike the guardians of the laws of England they credit every disregard of them to ignorance. They cannot conceive of malice aforethought. We are forbidden, for example, to use the word “phenomenal” in the sense of “extraordinary.” But, with Mr. Crummles’s Infant Phenomenon in everybody’s mind, can we expect the adjective to shake off the old associations of its parent noun?

Last year I culled an amusing sentence from a “Standard” criticism of a tale of adventure: “The story is a well-told, and in spite of the word ‘unreliable,’ a well-written one.” Now just as many foolish persons object to “a … one” as to “unreliable.” As for the first phrase, I am sure so great a writer as Tom Hood would have pronounced it A1, while “unreliable” is defended with unusual warmth by Webster’s Dictionary. The contention that “reliable” should be “reli-on-able,” is ridiculous, and Webster’s argument is “laughable,” which should obviously be “laugh-at-able.” These remarks are made quite without prejudice, for personally I have little to complain of. (By the way, this sentence is as open to blame as that of the professor who told his pupils “You must not use a preposition to end a sentence with.”) Though I have sat under an army of critics, I have but once been accused of inelegant English, and then it was only by a lady who wrote that my slipshod style “aggravated” her.