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25 Works of Hilaire Belloc

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Villon

Story type: Essay

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I have said that in Charles of Orleans the middle ages are at first more apparent than the advent of the Renaissance. His forms are inherited from an earlier time, his terminology is that of the long allegories which had wearied three generations, his themes recall whatever was theatrical in the empty pageantry of the […]

Lord Canton

Story type: Poetry

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[Christopher, sixth Baron Canton] The reason that the Present Lord CantonSucceeded lately to his Brother JohnWas that his Brother John, the elder son,Died rather suddenly at forty-one. The insolence of an Italian guideAppears to be the reason that he died.

Lord Abbott

Story type: Poetry

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[Alcibiades, third Baron ABBOTT of Brackley in Southamptonshire] Lord Abbott’s coronet was far too small,So small, that as he sauntered down White HallEven the youthful Proletariat(Who probably mistook it for a Hat)Remarked on its exiguous extent.Here is a picture of the incident.

Lord Lucky

Story type: Poetry

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[William, eighth Earl Lucky, subsequently fifth Duke of Bradford] Lord Lucky, by a curious fluke,Became a most important duke.From living in a vile HotelA long way east of Camberwell He rose, in less than half an hour,To riches, dignity and power.It happened in the following way:–The Real Duke went out one dayTo shoot with several […]

Lord Hippo

Story type: Poetry

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[George Punter, commonly known as Lord Hippo, Eldest Son and Heir of Peter, sixth Earl of Potamus] Lord Hippo suffered fearful lossBy putting money on a horseWhich he believed, if it were pressed,Would run far faster than the rest:For someone who was in the knowHad confidently told him so.But on the morning of the raceIt […]

Lord Uncle Tom

Story type: Poetry

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[Baron Uncle Tom of Maarfontein in the Britains Over Seas] Lord Uncle Tom was different fromWhat other nobles are.For they are yellow or pink, I think,But he was black as tar. He had his Father’s debonairAnd rather easy pride:But his complexion and his hairWere from the mother’s side. He often mingled in debateAnd latterly displayedExperience […]

Lord Epsom

Story type: Poetry

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[Percy, first Earl of Epsom, in the County of Surrey] A Horse, Lord Epsom did bestrideWith mastery and quiet pride.He dug his spurs into its hide. The Horse, discerning it was pricked,Incontinently bucked and kicked,A thing that no one could predict! Lord Epsom clearly understoodThe High-bred creature’s nervous mood,As only such a horseman could.Dismounting, he […]

Lord Finchley

Story type: Poetry

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[Arthur Weekes, commonly known as Lord Finchley, Eldest Son and Heir of Charles, first Baron Hendon] Lord Finchley tried to mend the Electric LightHimself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!It is the business of the wealthy manTo give employment to the artisan.

Lord Ali-Baba

Story type: Poetry

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[Ali-Baba, first (and last) Baron Ali-Baba of Salonika] Lord Ali-Baba was a TurkWho hated every kind of work,And would repose for hours at easeWith Houris seated on his knees.A happy life!–Until, one dayMossoo Alphonse Effendi Bey(A Younger Turk: the very creamAnd essence of the New Regime)Dispelled this Oriental dreamBy granting him a place at Court,High […]

Lord Henry Chase

Story type: Poetry

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[Henry de la Tour Albert St. John Chase, commonly known as LORD HENRY CHASE] What happened to Lord Henry Chase?He got into a Libel Case!The Daily Howl had said that he–But could not prove it perfectlyTo Judge or Jury’s satisfaction:His Lordship, therefore, won the action.But, as the damages were small,He gave them to a Hospital.

Lord Heygate

Story type: Poetry

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[Thomas, second Baron HEYGATE of Bayswater in the County of London] LORD HEYGATE had a troubled face,His furniture was commonplace–The sort of Peer who well might passFor someone of the middle class.I do not think you want to hearAbout this unimportant Peer,So let us leave him to discourseAbout LORD EPSOM and his horse.

Lord Roehampton

Story type: Poetry

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[Edward, first Earl of Lord Roehampton in the County of Surrey] During a late election LordRoehampton strained a vocal chordFrom shouting, very loud and high,To lots and lots of people whyThe Budget in his own opin–Ion should not be allowed to win. He sought a Specialist, who said:“You have a swelling in the head:Your Larynx […]

Lord Calvin

Story type: Poetry

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[Archibald, fifteenth Baron Calvin of Peebles in North Britain] Lord Calvin thought the Bishops should not sitAs Peers of Parliament. And argued it!In spite of which, for years, and years, and years,They went on sitting with their fellow-peers.

This Creature, though rare, is still found to the EastOf the Northern Siberian Zone.It is known to the whole of that primitive groupThat the carcass will furnish an excellent soup,Though the cooking it offers one drawback at least(Of a serious nature I own):If the skin be but punctured before it is boiled,Your confection is wholly […]

The Microbe

Story type: Poetry

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The Microbe is so very smallYou cannot make him out at all,But many sanguine people hopeTo see him through a microscope.His jointed tongue that lies beneathA hundred curious rows of teeth;His seven tufted tails with lotsOf lovely pink and purple spots,On each of which a pattern stands,Composed of forty separate bands;His eyebrows of a tender […]

The Llama

Story type: Poetry

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The Llama is a woolly sort of fleecy hairy goat,With an indolent expression and an undulating throatLike an unsuccessful literary man.And I know the place he lives in (or at least–I think I do)It is Ecuador, Brazil or Chili–possibly Peru;You must find it in the Atlas if you can. The Llama of the Pampasses you […]

The Chamois

Story type: Poetry

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The Chamois inhabitsLucerne, where his habits(Though why I have not an idea-r)Give him sudden short spasmsOn the brink of deep chasms,And he lives in perpetual fear.

The Bison

Story type: Poetry

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The Bison is vain, and (I write it with pain)The Door-mat you see on his headIs not, as some learned professors maintain,The opulent growth of a genius’ brain;But is sewn on with needle and thread.

The Viper

Story type: Poetry

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Yet another great truth I record in my verse,That some Vipers are venomous, some the reverse;A fact you may prove if you try,By procuring two Vipers, and letting them bite;With the first you are only the worse for a fright,But after the second you die.

The Crocodile

Story type: Poetry

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Whatever our faults, we can always engageThat no fancy or fable shall sully our page,So take note of what follows, I beg.This creature so grand and august in its age,In its youth is hatched out of an egg.And oft in some far Coptic townThe Missionary sits him downTo breakfast by the Nile:The heart beneath his […]

The Vulture

Story type: Poetry

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The Vulture eats between his meals,And that’s the reason whyHe very, very rarely feelsAs well as you and I. His eye is dull, his head is bald,His neck is growing thinner.Oh! what a lesson for us allTo only eat at dinner!

The Scorpion

Story type: Poetry

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The Scorpion is as black as soot,He dearly loves to bite;He is a most unpleasant bruteTo find in bed, at night.

The Welsh Mutton

Story type: Poetry

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The Cambrian Welsh or Mountain SheepIs of the Ovine race,His conversation is not deep,But then–observe his face!

The parents of the learned child(His father and his mother)Were utterly aghast to noteThe facts he would at random quoteOn creatures curious, rare and wild;And wondering, asked each other: “An idle little child like this,How is it that he knowsWhat years of close analysisAre powerless to disclose? Our brains are trained, our books are big,And […]

The Python

Story type: Poetry

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A Python I should not advise,–It needs a doctor for its eyes,And has the measles yearly.However, if you feel inclinedTo get one (to improve your mind,And not from fashion merely),Allow no music near its cage;And when it flies into a rageChastise it, most severely.I had an aunt in YucatanWho bought a Python from a manAnd […]